Lost Afterlife Season 07 Episode 2

S7 E2

Narrator: Previously on Lost:

Losties were in the white light

A burst of blinding light…enter Ben

LOST

Ben: hello and welcome to my world

Hurley: Dude, what do you mean, I thought you were my number two

Sawyer: hate to say it jubba, but I reckon your number two is a lot bigger and smellier than ol bug eyes.

Ben: Amusing, tell me, did you really think the island I were done with you people.

Jack: We are done with you, we are where we are meant to be – see I can be a man of faith too

Ben: You people are where you have always been, in paradise, the island. Jack, do you really think you are dead?

Jack: yes I am dead, that smoke monster poked me…and then he stabbed

Ben: where did he stab you?

Jack lifts his shirt and takes off his bra to reveal his waxed chest.

Ben: Hmm, he stabbed you in your appendix? Is that what caused your death?

Jack: I am a leading surgeon and licensed medical practitioner and I can tell you that my fatal injury came from being stabbed in my appendix with a blunt knife

Ben: I am not sure what lucky packet you found your license in but didn’t Juliet remove your appendix in Season 4? So are you dead Jack?

Faraday:  wrong, wrong you are wrong. Wrong is what you are, I need to explain this to you but I don’t have any crayons. I will use lame man’s, no offence Mr. Locke, terminology: We are here, in this place that we aren’t in. The vector of somethingmajig is indirectly proportional to the direct proportionate of a thingamabob which in essence explains the  normal abnormality surrounding the nothingness that is space and time that has allowed a paranormal activity that to us seems normal and is in fact an abnormally adjacent parallel perpendicular point in time.

Sawyer: virgin

Faraday: you know, I may not be the tall, muscular man candy and my matty hair does not frolic sexily in the wind as yours, but I am the only one here that can explain what is going on and I demand an apology.

Sawyer: Well in that case, I apologise, I meant twitchy virgin…oh and I nailed charlotte, did you.

Faraday: YES, she may have died a few minutes earlier but her body wasn’t that cold

Charlotte: I think it was is sweet, reminded me of when a weird man gave me candy, made me sit on his lap and we went back and forth, up and down, that was the best swing ride ever.

Boone: John, Ive been waiting for you.

John:  Boone, I am sorry, it was the island that decided our fate, the island is responsible for what happened to us. The island needed you to climb the hill and sacrifice your life. The island demanded it!

Boone: that is not true

John: Ok, fine, you are right I was just too tired to climb up that damn hill

Boone: you want to know something Mr Locke

John: yes Boone, what is it

Boone: John Locke cant do anything, John Locke cant walk, John Locke cant grow hair, John Locke cant even kill himself

John: don’t tell me what I CANT do

Boone: john, john he’s our man, he CANT do it and everyone else can

John: want to know what else I can’t do

Boone: what else cant you do

John: make bang- bang with my sister

 

Sayid looking deep in thought.

Desmond: Penny for your thoughts, Brotha
Sayid: I have had your Penny, that is why I am so drained of energy
Desmond: Nor, it can be tru' not my Penny
Sawyer: Sorry to break it to ya Shrek, but Penny is called Penny for a reason - violating her like a parking a meter will only cost you a penny.
Sayid: I made a sacred promise never to torture again. It would seem karma has caught up to me for your Penny is a better a torturer than I
Sawyer: Did she use the iron tail whip and thunder-stick 2000 on you too Aladdin?
Desmond: I was sent to give you a message, brotha.
Jack: Let me guess, see you in another life, brother

Desmond: Nor, it is …my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and damn right its better than yours. I can teach you but I have to charge

“doof”LOST