Muggles get so aggravated with direct marketers and I don’t not
get it nor do I understand it. Every job and profession leaves homicidal tendencies
towards you from the people you interact with. And I mean every job mine
included. Coz if everyone is a CUSTOMER and every job out there has one
objective – maintain, suck dry and get
more customers.
Be it missionaries trying to save people, finance people calling for money or even you
name it annoys someone.
Lets go back in time to one of the first known profession to
mankind (prostitution). I think it was genius to be honest – good going woman,
you really pioneered woman liberation by founding one of humanity’s first profession
and the fact that it became a profession really distinguished it from a job coz
that is part of the functions provided.
These hard-core working professionals are sorely scorned by
people who either cant afford to get any or are too stupid not to charge. And yes, unlike drugs, if the first one is
free they all are free so don’t think you can start charging now.
But to a more morally disgusting profession – those of the
direct marketers. And I am not talking about those nice lady’s you can call to
raise your self-esteem, but those people who call us when we are driving,
sleeping, in a meeting and on another call and from that number – unknown
number or as I like to number that cannot be read aka Voldemot.
Question I have is why answer the phone when you are doing
these things? Its probably the feeling of importance that someone is trying to
reach you? The curiosity as to who is this unknown number or blocked number
trying to call you.
So you take the call
and you are greeted by that monotonous tone of “good day we have a fantastic
offer for you”. Now you blow your top
coz in taking that call you get pulled u over by the cops, the people in the
meeting give you the evil eye and you dropped the other call for this person
trying to sell you something and refuses to believe you are not interested.
Now I observe people and I particularly enjoy seeing them
release anger. The rage gives you the power that you feel you u are worth more than someone else and you
have power over them. Coz in your own job we all have bosses, someone we need
to report too and with those darn labour laws we cant take out our frustration
on people at work so who do we target…enter the next tele-marketer, forgetting
human rights come before labour rights.
Or do we forget human rights apply to all humans or do we
choose not to remember? I heard of people being rude, passive aggressive and
sweet but never heard of someone admitting to buying stuff from a telemarketer.
Yet people must be buying stuff, a lot, coz this direct marketing method is in
fact a proven way to make your business more profitable.
Guess this is true for my afore mentioned profession – never
had anyone say “wow, dude, just had an awesome interaction with a professional
prostitute. She blew my mind away, well that and other things and she went
over, below, behind, beyond and even sideways with her toe over her head
and in her nose. I will definitely be coming back for more, you should try her”
instead all u hear is all the bad stuff, this rash wont go away…must have got
it in the gym or cost of living has gone up – cant afford to do things I like
to do…yeah you freak, those things cost extra so you are stuck to the basic
package that does not include the toe over her head and in her nose special.
Anywhoz…all this start from a call I received from a
tele-marketer. I get my share of calls from these vile beings but I rarely get
called by someone who is nice. Yes nice, not arrogant or drone voiced someone
who seemed and probably was a person. My guess it’s a fresher, still bug eyed
at the working world, filled with hope and aspirations to be the best call
centre agent ever.
Ooh how I would have loved to be there when she opened her
first pay cheque and seen gross income is the brass ring to her net pay. I
think she is by now on our side and eagerly awaiting a direct marketer to call
her so she can exercise her “social right” to make someone else feel inferior
I got this call around 10 am on a weekday, I was at work but
not in a meeting, another call or working on anything that need my full concentration so I answered
the voldomet number.
She had a good friendly voice and seemed to really want to
know how I was doing and when I retorted “peachy” she showed delight in that I
was just peachy.
She was calling from my bank with an exciting offer and her enthusiasm made me feel all
tingly…like im on the apex of a roller coaster about to descend at a high
speed…how exciting offer could it be???
It was….wait for it….Insurance. how anti-climatic.
Yes, insurance but I must say she did make insurance sound
exciting and I figured this would get good so I grabbed my pen and notepad and
started writing. Below is our encounter…
Lady – good day sir we will like to offer YOU an exciting package…
Me(monotone voice):
exciting package? For me? oh goodie.
Lady - …uh yes sir it is insurance cover
Me – Insurance. Exciting Insurance?
Lady –Yes sir, tell
me sir are u covered for all accidents?
Me – How did you get my number?
Lady – Er sir from our database, we see you indicated not to
be contacted for offers or promotions but we felt this was such an exciting
opportunity we felt we had to inform you
Me – is that so? I ticked Im not interested and you felt
that this offer will make me change my mind?
Lady – Er yes sir we just wanted to make all our clients
aware of this and we apologise for any inconvenience caused, would you still
like to hear about our exciting insurance package
Me –It must be really exciting for you to contact me despite
me saying don’t contact me so go for it.
Lady – Thank you sir. tell me sir are u covered for all
accidents?
Me – yup, is that all you got?
Lady – Ok sir, our accidental cover is very comprehensive
Me - how comprehensive
Lady - very sir
Me - u talking accidental
Lady - yes sir, we offer
accidental cover
Me - and for break - ins and household accidents
Lady - yes sir for accidents but not for break ins
Me – ok, coz my insurance covers me for household accidents and
break ins. If the break in was an accident, will I be covered?
Lady - yes sir but what
do you mean accidental break in?
Me - like if the thieves wanted to break into my neighbour’s
apartment but broke into mine coz they made a mistake
Lady - laughs
Me – I am serious, my neighbour got expensive stuff in his
house so it will be an accident if they broke into my place coz I don’t have
anything worth stealing
Lady - Ok sir yes sir
we cover all accidents but not break ins
Me - All accidents but not accidental break ins. So you know
my current insurance covers me for car, home and break -ins but u cover for all
minus accidental break ins?
Lady - Yes sir
Me - hmm so if I get a girl pregnant by accident - am I covered?
Lady - laughs
Me – I’m serious, will your insurance cover accidental
impregnations?
Lady – Sir? No, no we do not cover accidents like that
*laughs*, how we know it was accident?
Me – Well if the chick is ugly then it was an accident but I
was probably drunk so you are right.
Lady – Come again
Me – (too easy to make a joke on her reply and had my neuron
blasting quips so I didn’t retort coz I started giggling and said) then what
else is there?
Lady - We cover criminal
accidents
Me - oh, like if you commit a crime by accident?
Lady - No sir, if you become involved by accident in a crime
Me - oh, so like the thieves who accidently broke into my house
and not my neighbours
Lady –( laughs)....Yes sir, I guess you are right but we
mean if you are implicated in a crime
Me - what about the girl i accidently got pregnant, if her
dad comes and tries to kill me...am I covered?
Lady – Sir, I do not understand?
Me - He is about to commit a crime that im about to be in
Lady - No sir insurance will not cover that
Me - what about life cover, does you exciting insurance
package include life cover?
Lady – If you want life cover, we offer life cover
Me - tell me, do you still want to offer me life
cover...really?
Lady – (laughs), sir you made me laugh too much today
Me - good, but no thanks. have a nice day
Lady – Thank you sir. Good Bye
